8 Truths I Learned at a Tony Robbins Seminar in Toronto

Beanie // Turtleneck // Jeans // Socks // Boots

I’m so pumped to share with you what I learned on my trip to Canada. One of the main reasons my two girlfriends and I made the quick decision to pack our bags and head to Toronto? To see Tony Robbins and Rachel Hollis of course!!! It was a 12-hour seminar called “Power of Success,” jam packed with authors and speakers. My brain was filled with so much knowledge and inspo by the time we left! And I want to share some of the golden nuggets I learned from these speakers in this blog post!

Looking to change your life, mindset, or perspective? These 8 truths may just be the breakthrough you need to let go of the inhibitions that keep you from reaching your full potential.

What are you “willing” or “unwilling” to put up with? This question is my favorite because you can apply it to your inner dialogue right away, especially if you have a hard time taking on big decisions. It’s important to honestly ask yourself and confront your reality about what it is that you are, or are not, “willing” to accomplish. What you are willing to achieve? Questions to ask yourself, for example: Am I “willing” to regularly go to the gym to feel better about myself? Am I “willing” to stay at my job that pays little money, but provides major job satisfaction? Am I “willing” to go to school for 8 years to earn my doctorate and fulfill my dreams?” Have you confronted your reality about what it is that you want, wholeheartedly? Sometimes, we may subconsciously pretend ourselves with what we think we want in order to quiet the voices in our head that tell us we “should” be doing something different. If you truly feel unwilling to do something but you’ve convinced yourself that you “have to” because it is expected of you, you’re not living freely in your truth. Get honest with yourself and what you’re capable of. I am “unwilling” to give up family time for higher pay at work. I am “unwilling” to work a corporate job, because I am “willing” to put forth the effort to become a creative photographer. I am “unwilling” to go to the gym 5 days a week to improve my diet. Be honest with yourself. Consciously place these truths in your mind. It stops the wrestle. It stops the constant back and forth. Just like Gary Bishop says, “once you adopt the mindset of being willing/unwilling, you will no longer be filled with guilt, resentment or regret every time you see something you think you “want.” Once we understand what we are genuinely willing to do, we take back control over our thoughts and feelings that previously directed our behavior away from where we truly wanted to go.” Transformation begins with telling yourself the truth.
When you try to stay in your comfort zone, it’s never truly that comfortable. I feel like this is a common knowing, but not all of us necessarily acknowledge this truth when given the choice to either step out of our comfort or stay in our safety zone. And if this hits home to you, the truth about the discomfort you may feel is this: (1) There’s either a nagging feeling that you could be doing more, or (2) there’s a desire for a life better than the one you’re currently living, or choosing. Pick your poison. You have the choice to change your life at any given moment. So in that moment, ask yourself—which discomfort am I “willing” to put up with? The discomfort of being immobile and stuck, or the discomfort of vulnerability and unfamiliarity? It’s the game of certainty vs. uncertainty. As humans, we naturally desire familiarity. But if you let uncertainty rule you forever, you’re also allowing-in feelings of guilt or resentment with your life when you’ve chosen the cycle of familiarity over choosing your potential. So ask yourself, which pain do you want? The pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?
If you want to see what your potential holds, you have to be willing to be judged by others. What are some things you’d like to do but avoid because of unfamiliarity or fear? What would you do if you didn’t care about judgment, filtering your true personality or self-expression, or what Sally from middle school thinks of you on Instagram? Ok but in all seriousness, I learned this the hard way. I’m still learning. I longed for acceptance as a young girl. It’s an internal battle that I allowed to became my personal narrative that I’ve faced through my teenage years into young adulthood. I’d ask, “But how am I supposed to just stop caring what they think?” And if I could answer to my younger, teenage-self, I would say this as I’m saying to you: You don’t just stop caring overnight. We’re human, and it’s natural to care. But one day you will realize that it’s never the others’ opinions about you that’s holding you back. It’s the illusion you’ve built in your head about yourself through their lens. It’s the insecurities you hold onto. It’s the mistakes or failures that your step-mother lovingly, yet repeatedly calls you out on that you refer back to. It’s the feelings of not being “good enough” for an unfaithful ex, or the comparison to the person they were unfaithful with that makes you feel unworthy. It’s the way you’ve soaked up your environment based on others’ reactions of you. Now those reactions have been used to build your narrative today. But it’s easier to believe what you’ve known all along about yourself, isn’t it? I mean, how could you forgive your stepmom for her insensitive comment that you took as criticism? Or how could you believe that you ARE good enough for someone who gives you the world, when no one has proved to you that you ARE worthy? In your mind, you’ve taken these beliefs others hold about you as “true” (mostly at a younger age). It isn’t until you actually start separating yourself from these narratives you’ve built about yourself from others’ opinions, that you can free yourself and start over into actualizing who you desire to become, with no restrictions. Take a look in the mirror. Realize that these reactions aren’t who you are, but who they are. We all see each other from our own perception of ourselves. You aren’t defined by your imperfections, mistakes or failures. So first, tell yourself the truth about who you are. Second, remind yourself of the potential you hold, and how much you value the vision of your life. And third, decide right now that your life and YOUR potential have nothing to do with anyone else. They’re not the ones who get to decide whether you’re worthy enough to live out YOUR purpose. That was given to you by Your Creator, and no one can take that from you. In the end, you have two choices: limit your potential or rise above it. We’ll never know what our potential truly looks like until we are willing to move forward, to look silly or stupid, and to be judged for trying. Just remember, the ones that aren’t trying or doing anything are usually the ones judging. And that means you’re lightyears ahead of them anyway ;)
Either you control your destiny, or your destiny controls you. Life won’t stop for your pauses or procrastinations, nor will it stop for your confusion and fear. If you’re someone who tends to let life happen to you, this is for you. I’ve learned overtime that we can’t sit and wait for a better version of ourselves. That we can’t wait for the love of our life to walk in and sweep us off our feet when we don’t leave the house. We can’t wait for the tides to turn and for opportunities to fall in our lap when we don’t take action or make decisions. Our time is now. It’s always been now. We hold the power in each moment that we decide that life is happening for us, not to us. No more waiting for the “universe” to answer, or wallowing in pity or indecision until someone decides for you. Wake up each morning and decide who you’re going to be. No seriously, ask yourself “Who am I going to be today?” Wake up intentional AF. Be intentional with your goals, your health, your food intake, your relationships, your time and your disciplines. Decide before life decides for you. And trust me, you don’t want to wait that long. Don’t let life and opportunities pass you by. Life won’t wait for you. (Hint: Small steps everyday is better than not taking any steps at all)
In order to have confidence, start doing the very thing you have no confidence in. It can sound intimidating, and it often is. This is something I’m still practicing myself. But there’s a simple solution for those that feel scared to fail if they move forward or pivot. But if Rachel Hollis is saying it, I’m saying it. And it’s this: Purposefully fail. No seriously, try to fail. Sounds crazy, right? But man, it’s good. It gives you permission to fail and welcome-in failure instead of running from it. Ask yourself this, how can I possibly be in a worse position than I am right now if I tried failing forward? You’re already at the bottom, so what’s the worst that can happen? You end up back where you started? Sure. But you have a lot to gain as well. If you’ve tried and failed, you’ve not only shown yourself that you have courage, but you’ve also proved to yourself that if you tried once, you can try again. Rachel gave us a challenge that I want to give to you, too. See how many times you can fail in 2020. Try to fail, say, 27 times. I dare you. We’ve already talked about dealing with potential judgment, so if you can manage shrugging off opinions from others, you can manage failing. And ultimately, you will manage to get back up again. What’s that one thing you could be doing right now, but you’ve been avoiding because you’re scared to fail? Say it out loud and make it known what you’re afraid of. Then go after that very thing you’re afraid of doing.
“I am not my thoughts. I am what I do.” Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit at home and dream about all the things you could do. Go out and get busy. Listen, I get it. Easier said than done. But fear and doubt play a huge part in our decisions and actions. Naturally, we are inclined to take the risk-averse route. Fear and doubt remind us that we need to maintain the status quo— that we need to stay comfortable, safe and secure. But if we learn to adopt the practice of silencing the loud, disapproving thoughts, we’ll be more inclined to taking action on instinct. I’m still learning how to make intuitive-based decisions, but if there is anything I’ve learned in this process—fear is the loudest when you’re trying something new, or fulfilling something that excites you, yet terrifies you. The real challenge is learning to silence disruptive thoughts. Here’s how: make a decision in 5 seconds. That’s the rule. Silence the noise, and don’t go back on your desires or your word. The more we wrestle with our thoughts, the more fear and doubt can intervene and stop us in our tracks from making decisions or taking action. Don’t negotiate with yourself! Trust your intuition.
The quality of your life is “where you live” emotionally. Meaning, the feelings you continue to go back to—this is where you live emotionally, in which you return there often. If, for example, you’re grieving from a traumatic experience, or you’re learning to love yourself again after a separation, or you are often angry or anxious because of your impossible circumstances, this time is crucial for your mental and emotional state. What you focus on is what you feel. If you’re focusing on how hard life is, life will be hard. If you’re focusing on how unlovable you feel, you will be unlovable. If you’re focusing on a situation completely out of your control—death, breakups, moving, job layoffs, external changes—this can typically cause you to feel like life is happening to you, not for you. This will either make you want to 1) cling to what you know, 2) want to control everything, leaving no room for surprises or 3) giving up control completely and letting life happen to you. I know this because I’ve had my fair share of anxiety and need for control when times are uncertain. The reality is, we can’t control the things that happen to us, but we can control our perspective, our mindset and our energy. If you don’t feel happy, start doing things you enjoy, start creating an uplifting environment. Start doing things that are the opposite of how you feel at the moment. Start dancing in the mornings when you’re grumpy and tired. Start going outside when you want to lay in bed. If you want to feel differently, focus on the positive things that have happened to you by creating a daily gratitude journal, write a letter to yourself about all that you’ve accomplished, or dive yourself into your passions or hobbies that give you life. You are allowed to grieve, to mourn, to be sad or angry, just don’t unpack and live there.
Knowledge isn’t power, knowledge is potential power but you must learn to apply it by taking action. Action is power. And action creates clarity. Get out of your head and into your life, and just do something!

That podcast? Launch it. That blog? Start it. That book? Write it. That idea? Flesh it out. That vision? Write it and run it. That business? Develop it. That talent? Put it to use. That life you have? Live it.

You’re not alone in your ambition, your struggles, your fears or your grandiose dreams and plans.

And it’s true for all of us, that we’re given two choices. To either 1) “willingly” choose to live for yourself and show up for your purpose despite the fear, or 2) “willingly” live to please others, to meet their expectations, or walk in hesitation out of fear of opinions or potential judgments. Within each moment, you are given the freedom to be open and available with nothing held back.

So if I were to get on my soapbox for a quick second to preach to my dreamers and over-thinkers, I’d have to urge you to go all in on your choices. Own it. Trust your intuition. Go all in on failure, on mistakes, on vulnerability, on showing off your imperfections and owning your purpose. Go all in on your wildest dreams and start saying no to things that don’t align with your highest expression of yourself. No more convincing yourself of something others want for you. No more withholds or half-truths. If you want to feel like you are really living your most alive, expressive self, this is where it begins. It begins with truth, with fear, with your voice trembling and hands shaking. It begins the moment you truly decide to start living your life for you. This is freedom. Freedom to be all you’ve desired to be, wholeheartedly.